Written by Carl LaFong
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Wednesday, 3 March 2010

image for The Day the Music Fried
Not a good butcher

The body of Buddy Holly, the fifties rock'n'roller who was thought to have died in a plane crash in 1959, may have been found stashed in a fridge in Graceland, the home of the late Elvis Presley.

The grisly discovery was uncovered by a visitor to Graceland's who accidentally wandered into a private area and found a fridge marked, "Elvis' Special Diet - Do Not Open". Eighty seven year old Elvis fanatic, Edna Throatspasm, was deeply shocked by what she found in the fridge saying, "I know I shouldn't have opened it but I was quite hungry and thought there might be a Kit Kat in there. I didn't expect to find poor old Buddy Holly".

Forensics experts from the Memphis Institute of Dead Pop Stars last night confirmed that they were carrying out tests on various cuts of meat and one pair of spectacles but said that it was too early to say whether it was the late Buddy Holly or not.

Sheriff Bo Diddley, of the MPD (Butchery Department) said, "Unlicensed butchery is on the uptake and this is a very serious matter. People look up to pop stars and this kind of thing gets butchery a bad name. I've never seen such poorly cut up fillets".

Mrs Throatspasm described the moment she found the badly chopped up remains, "I opened the fridge door and saw the packages of meat. My first thought was that the butchery was below par - my husband was a butcher God rests his soul. Anyway I looked at the labels and the first one said 'BH - Brisket'. It didn't take me long to figure out what BH stood for - I'm no fool"

Mr Holly's friend and lawyer, Mr Barry Stur, spoke last night from his home in Stockport, "This doesn't surprise me at all. We have known all along that Elvis wasn't a vegetarian, and that he was a fan of Buddy Holly. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what happened here".

From a secret laboratory somewhere near Memphis, rocket scientist, Dr Adrian Collider, confirmed, "Well it doesn't take a classically trained violinist to see what's gone on here".

We couldn't find a classically trained violinist to comment but we did speak to Elvis impersonator Mr Elvin Persley who said, "I don't believe that Elvis would eat a fellow pop star - not unless he was already dead".

Did Elvis find Buddy Holly's body, take him back to Graceland to practice his butchery skills?....That'll be the day!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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