In a long awaited press conference Gordon Brown, our beloved leader and saviour of mankind today announced New Labour's Plans for a fourth glorious term in office.
In his speech he harked back to Labour's initial victory in 1997 by quoting from their original promises for a "Third Way"
"Our Third Reich.. err sorry Third Way has achieved almost everything we set out to do." He thundered. "We have almost won the war on poverty by making everyone equally poor, have won the war on terror by cutting back our armed forces and have almost won the war on common sense"
"I believe that our Third Reich...err Way will last for a thousand years and will see the dawn of a new superhuman race"
Our great leader then went on to explain a raft of new measures should New Labor win a fourth term of government
"We have had crackdowns on crime, crackdowns on education and crackdowns on health" Our great leader said. "What we need now are more crackdowns on stuff and wars on things"
Included in his speech were new measures to enhance the war on freedom, war on travel and war on intelligence including new measures such as
- A crackdown on travel. Not only will going anywhere be considered antisocial, environmentally unsound and politically incorrect but traveling anywhere in Britain will be outlawed.
I applaud this wise decision and are happy to stay where we are eating vegetarian takeaways and watching Hollyoaks.
- A war on money. Money is the root of all evil and our great leader today unveiled plans to make everyone in the country a government employee by 2013. Everyone of any age will be required to work on either a cabbage collective or tractor factory with all other forms of employment being outlawed. All forms of money will therefore be outlawed with the country's currency replaced with "Darling Dollars"
I agree with this and would love to spend our entire lives digging environmental "green" cabbages
- Crackdown on dissenters. Anyone showing signs of antisocial behaviour such as being English, owning a car or eating a burger will be sent to new "Adjustment Camps" for re-integration into society.
Our beloved leader failed however to state how long these sick deviants who eat meat, educate their children and perform other perverted acts would be kept in these camps.
Other measures outlined include new police insignia involving a sort of bent cross vaguely reminiscent of the letter Z, a replacement for the national lottery where the winner has informed on the most people and proposals to make anyone suspected of being middle class wear a large pink star at all times.
"The voices in my head tell me this is how I...err I mean Britian can dominate the world. We will also begin a breeding program to ensure that the Scotti... er British race becomes the superior species."
Our great leader pronounced at the end of his conference. He even added a small joke
"I'm not a bully and will have anyone who says otherwise killed. Don't you agree Mr Wibble...?"