Written by Trayla Trash
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Topics: Christmas, Jordan

Thursday, 18 November 2004

image for Jordan and Peter in right Royal row
Charles toasts the show's success, yesterday.

English glamour girl Jordan and live-in lover Peter Andre are said to be furious over plans by BBC3 to steal their thunder this Christmas.

The perfunctory pair had hoped their fly on the wall programme, "When Jordan met Peter", would top the ratings for Christmas. It has so far failed to enthrall the viewing public with tawdry tales from the home of the two most overexposed C-list celebs in recent history.

Hopes were high that the special yuletide episode, featuring Jordan's joy when she is presented with a £20,000 voucher for buttock augmentation, would trounce the opposition.

However, reports from the Beeb claim to have trumped the opposition with a no holds barred documentary Prince Charles and his partner Camilla Parker Bowles.

Billed as "the second coming of reality TV", the show is set at Highgrove House and promises to be a non stop roller coaster of emotion, drama and excitement.

Episode one, aired earlier this week, homed in on the pair as they honoured an invitation to attend a charity gala ball in the London Palladium.

Viewers were shocked to see Camilla and Charles perform the Lambada on a tabletop before the would-be Mrs Wales engaged in a saucy secret conversation with a posh pal as the crowds dispersed.

As the cameras rolled, she was spotted chatting with Luton Rotary Club president Janet Powell. On closer inspection, it emerged the pair were discussing holding a party at Balmoral, where massage oils, marital aids and risque lingerie would be freely available.

Once aware she was being filmed, Camilla bolted for a waiting Bentley, ironically holding the 2005 Ann Summers catalogue over her face to spare her blushes.

Jordan, meanwhile, in bid to win the impending ratings war, has agreed to have her butt enhanced on live telly. It is also rumoured Peter will propose to his girlfriend as she embarks on an eight-week recovery period - he has already earmarked a diamond encrusted sovereign ring from Ebay to sweep her off her feet.

German surgeon Gerhard Steinberg, a former sword swallower from Dresden, is expected to carry out the op in a private clinic in the Chiswick area if London just as Her majesty The Queen prepares to address the nation for Christmas.

Remaining unperturbed by the competition, Jordan added:
"Let's see Camilla get ‘er saggy backside out for the sake of ratings - I don't fink so. I'm gonna look like a Cockney version of J-lo when this is over - so bloody bootylicious it'll be unreal - and if that don't win the public over, I dunno what will."

No-one from Highgrove House was available for comment, though a close friend said Camilla has hit back and agreed to allow the camera crew to film her at the Ann Summers party. Viewers will also have a sneaky peek at her bumper order sheet

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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