Written by Paul Bavill
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Topics: Parliament, Smoking

Thursday, 18 November 2004

image for Government to Ban Voting in Public Places

Following government restrictions on unhealthy foods and the imminent ban on smoking, a bill has been tabled in Parliament today to outlaw the practice of voting in public places.

Following criticism of the bill by Human Rights Groups and pro-democrat organisations, Home Secretary David Blunkett mad a statement to the Commons suggesting that low turnouts and public cynicism showed that democracy in Britain was at an end and that the attitude of the public was to just say no to anything.

This he claimed had been proved by protests against the fox hunting ban, opposition to the war and the vote defeating the North East Assembly. Although opposition parties have put the latter down to John Prescott fronting the campaign, as opposed to any negative feeling towards politicians as a whole.

Prime Minister Rt. Hon. Tony Blair QC told the Spoof, "Every opinion poll and election for the past 8 years has shown the same definite trend. Only 30-40% of people of voting age actually wish to go out and carry out this meaningless tradition. As the duly elected government of England we are merely doing away with a public duty that the majority do not want.
We are respecting the wishes and desires of the 60-70% of people who quite sensibly do not vote. When people do express an opinion we don't have the decency to listen anyway, you can ask the Countryside Alliance and Fathers 4 Justice for confirmation on that.
With this in mind, we feel that this ban will pass without event or protest. Although with the proposed ban on protesting outside Westminster, we are happy that we won't have any complaints. Amnesty International are planning a formal protest from the middle of the Isle of Wight.

The plan will be phased in over the next 2 years, starting in April 2005 when Liberal and Conservative voters will be affected, and a complete ban is expected around the time of the EU referendum.

Further bans suggested include banning foreigners, the poor, the rich, the monarchy, the colour blue and the letter Q. Labour peers are however expected to support gay marriage.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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