Written by Nae mair crap

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Topics: Susan Boyle

Monday, 1 March 2010

image for Subo culture tells the world "nae mair crap!"

"Nae mair crap" Miss Boyle is reported as instructing her entourage, "I'm in charge now and nobody forget it."

"No more subtitles on American TV shows, I speak English, just like them and they better get used to it. I've sold millions, that's many more than many big "A" listers. Me, subo, the Hairy Angel from a wee village in Scotland: someone who they all think is scared to leave her quaint, wee hoose: never went further than Edinburgh, and on a bus would you believe. Now touring all over the world, America one week, Japan the next always going home to that quaint, wee hoose and taking the bus with my bus pass" she continued.

Then, breaking into a wide grin, the Scottish spinster is reported as dispelling some myths.

"Ill", she ssid, "worn out, need constant supervision, I'll have none of it. My act has worked, fooled them all didn't I? Should move to a bigger hoose, what for to give the taxman more. I'll tell you a secret, all my money is in gold, bought a big hoose in Cannes (that's France for the challenged) no bad for a daft wee wifie is it? That's gobsmacked you lot, eh, causing a riot at Heathrow, not at all, me having fun with all the snobs in the VIP lounge. They don't like it, well they ken what they can do."

"Oh Oprae darling, looking down on me, subtitling what I say, telling the audience you didn't understand a word" she allegedly snarled, "get a life dear, get oot and see the world, there is life beyond Chicago ye ken".

" I loved New York, it was great, the Empire State is fantastic. The meet and greet, a bunch of lonely, silly girls, screaming and ranting, getting their knickers in a twist. Telling me they loved me, telling me, I ask you, me, to say to them I love you: bunch of numpties. Get a life, ye bunch of loonies" as she smiled that smile, "I'm fine, the world is OK with me, I've achieved and they can't take that away from me".


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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