Caesar Millan, the Mexican Millionaire, who made his fortune taming some of the planet's ugliest and worst tempered hounds, says he's ready to take on his biggest challenge after he answered a "Mercy Call" from Buckingham Palace concerning Camilla Parker Bowles.
The Dog Whisperer, who usually contains his 'interventions' to the US, said he is ready to go Global, and the call from the Palace convinced him to now help dog owners around the world.
Caesar's premise is that there's never been a dog he couldn't handle, saying it's the dog's owners that are most often the problem. ""I see no difference here," he said forcefully,,"the future King must be seen as the Alpha Dog in this relationship, not a poncey Prince with big flappy ears who spends all day with his head in your lap and farting around on the couch!"
Royal onlookers have noticed for years that Charles has had trouble getting on with man's best friend. The Queen's Corgis hate him, and during his childhood he suffered from a multitude of dog bites and scratches incurred when he tormented the dogs with his sling shot and burning fags.
A recent study in the UK advocating competency tests for pet owners who want to adopt a dog, pointed to Charles as the outstanding example of why people should be tested before being entrusted with 'mans best friend.'
Camilla, recently sedated and under watch by Health Officials after an attack on a palace visitor reported elsewhere in The Spoof, could be Caesar's Waterloo, according to insiders who have witnessed failed efforts to tame her, or even accomplish the simple act of house breaking as she continues to 'piss off' the rest of the Royals.
Caesar said he's never worked with a Basset Hound before, but after his experiences with Pit Bulls and cranky Rottweilers, he thinks while it may be a challenge, he will prevail. "All she probably needs is some exercise. I often find pets out of sorts, overweight and cranky because they don't work out enough, making them 'Snappy' and ill tempered. A few months on a tread mill under proper supervision and they usually snap out of it!"
Caesar said he is looking forward to the first meeting with his new client, and suggests he will start off breaking the ice with a simple "walkie', then move on to 'sit/stay' commands, and the more important "Leave It' to discourage Camilla from dipping her snout into the ever present snack trays around the palace. "I think afternoon tea is going to be out for awhile," he said, " all those liverwurst sandwiches and marmite crackers add up to a protein overload and can really fuck up your social skills!"
The nation holds it's breath as Caesar tries to bring Camilla to Heel while Charles is said to be cramming for the Competency Test that could save his marriage, and the future of the Crown in England!