Scotland is famous for the Highland Games and a favourite competition is Tossing the Caber. That's OK in the summer for nutters who throw logs around but when the winter comes the caber gets lost in the snow. Braemar Highland Games are among the most famous but Braemar is also famous for record snowfalls.
Then the Scots move indoors and participate in another game that requires sticks, sharp and strong. During a well desrved break from their work in the shed our subo volunteers have recently tried the game and are said to have loved every bum and erse they played with.
The rules of the game are simple. For the purposes of learners and to protect those easily shocked, our volunteers were not able to practise on hairy, Scottish posteriors, as is the norm. They made dummies, modelled on their favourite subo unofficial fan club fanatics, stuffed with recycled, red wool.
"Ersers", for that is what players are called, must have swalleyed at least half a bottle of best malt each. Then, they take two sticks, fashioned from the best Scottish bamboo. Each erser must approach their dummy, which has assumed the doggy position and scream "Who's a *bam, here's the bamboo?"
The erser aims their first pierser at the dummy's bum and aims to hit exactly where the good lord split ye. A successful piersing allows the erser a second attempt at piersing. The second attempt is accompanied by the Spanish exclamation, **"Me cago en la lecheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!". This game has it's roots in the Spanish Inquisition, that infamous, bloody orgy so feared by the ARRAS sect but beloved of William the Dangler!
On the second attempt, the erser aims to ensure that the stick up your erse has a stick up it's erse.
* bam = idiot
**me cago en la lecheeeeeeeeeee = I shit on your milk