Written by Harold Q. Fuey
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Saturday, 27 February 2010

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Fanatics were distraught last night after Susan Boyle was reportedly abducted by aliens. A bright beam of light was seen over her Scottish home, lasting for several seconds. SuBo is nowhere to be found.

Late last night, a communication from the planet Uttanonsenz was received by the British Ministry of Bullshit. Experts worked through the night to translate the message. Professor I.M.A. Weirdo said "It appears they've taken Susan. They've seen her performance on AlienTube and were desperate for her to perform on 'Aliens Have Talent'."

Prof. Weirdo continued "It seems she's being well cared for, and she's even taking spaceship driving lessons."

Speaking from one of this many mansions, Simon Cowell said "I don't remember licensing the Talent franchise to these people. My lawyers will be contacted."

Fanatics were deeply unhappy.

"Naturally I have the absolute best cable package available, but I don't seem to be able to receive Uttanonsenz TV. Does anyone have an illegal internet feed I could watch?" said super-fanatic 'AireHead'.

Chief fanatic Dr. Bobbino de Ponytail, still unwell after the infamous red scarf incident, said "I'm trying to get tickets to see her live, but my travel agent has never heard of Uttanonsenz."

Fanatics Happy and Clappy said "We don't know which religion they practice on this planet, but we will be praying for them anyway. We may even be able to convert them!"

It is not known when SuBo will return to Earth, but several fanatics are attempting to learn the Uttanonsenz language to appeal directly for her safe return.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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