Swedish speed skater Ivana Phuque is to turn her back on Olympic sport for a career in politics. Phuque, resident in Littlehampton, is expected to announce the formation of her own political party, the Free United Constitutional Kinfolk. Already members of her family have moved from Stockholm to join her in the UK. Her sister Anita Phuque will continue in sport and may represent the UK in 2014.
With a general erection about to be called Ivana has already composed her slogans. "Time for a Phuque", "Ivana Be Elected", "Let's Get Phuqued" and "Vote F.U.C.K.". Gordon Brown is said to be considering forming a coalition with her after reports of a hung parliament. It will need to be a well-hung parliament in order to attract Ivana.
The last attempt to break the mold in UK politics was led by Robert Kilroy Silk. He lacked the glamour and the ability to appeal to the electorate which Ivana clearly has. Asked what her policies will be, Ivana answered "Compulsory showing of my breasts on every street, sex in the open air for all, a new currency called the tit and proportional representation. Obviously some people might find the last policy is going too far so I am prepared to drop it."
Will the UK have a Phuque? Time will tell.