Written by The Medium Cheese
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Thursday, 25 February 2010

image for Bully Helping Line "contacted by Al-Qaeda staff"
Osama is no bully

In an exclusive interview today, the UK Bully Helping Line revealed that the organisation had received calls and emails from staff working in the Al-Qaeda HQ.

"We have had three or four mails", said the Helping Line's Intestina Harradin. One revealed how Al-Qaeda boss Osama Bin Laden had said to one of his team: "just go and strap some explosives to yourself, and blow yourself up."

The e-mail, seen by The Medium Cheese, is obviously genuine. But an Al-Qaeda spokesperson was quick to rebut the claims. Ayman al-Zawahiri said: "I've known Osama for 20 years and at no point has it ever occurred to me that he is, or would ever be, a bully. It's just not in his nature."

Al-Zawahiri added: "The staff at our offices regularly blow themselves up, but they are under no pressure. In fact they do that sort of thing because they really like it and they want to. Osama was probably trying to cheer him up."

We asked to speak to the person who had written the e-mail but we were told that, coincidentally, he had "left" the organisation earlier this morning.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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