Written by Nae mair crap
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Thursday, 25 February 2010

The McLuz at her HQ in Blackburn Library has received an urgent secret intelligence report from an unnamed source.

As a result she has placed her team on high alert. The report confirms her suspicions that the Happy and Clappy ARRAS (Always Red Room Above Satan) sect have regrouped after their deportation from Scotland. A kindred spirit, inside the ARRAS sect has given details of the most recent meet and greet, high fallutin, rootin' tootin', celebration of wannabee Scots.

The coven, held in Brooklyn, New York began with the traditional worship of the song 500 miles. As the chorus approached, Airehead distributed Lion Rampart flags of Scotland and the coven waved their flags in unison as they roared, "barker no moarrr, ammo no moarrr, jeemy babe no moarrr". This is thought to be a reference to the banned and the damned the sect had plotted to remove from a fan site.

Still in a high state of arousal, the coven welcomed their undisputed gangmaster and law maker, Dr Bobbino de Ponytail. Several fainted, William the Dangle fell apart and Madlothian downed his 14th Irn Bru. The room fell silent as he who must be obeyed (but give him $25 and you have some leeway) outlined the plan, cobbled together by Koala, his trusted and two faced obereigergurglbannfuhrer and slimy, spying wimp.

The full plan will follow in a secret dossier, to be delivered in person by a lonely Canadian gentleman who will try to persuade his dear lady, A-M to give up her crusade and dedication to the subo cause and return home as he has no unwashed crockery or cutlery left. He has been living off carrot cake and tacos supplied by bajalita, a Mexican subo stalwart.

Bajalita has met with the McLuz to discuss the adoption of the Spanish Inquisition to drown enemies in gazpacchio after feeding them their own red bandanas. The ARRAS sect fear the Spanish Inquisition above anyone except the glorious fighter for the downtrodden, work shy and inebriated, Rab C Nesbitt.

Battle lines are now being drawn for the forthcoming struggle.

The Mcluz issued a short statement: Nae Mair Crap, youz have hid yer chances, ah'm fair scunnered wi yer haverin'. then burst into her famous interpretation of "You canna shove oor Paulie aff the bus".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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