Spring came early to Windermere this year when a pod of killer whales was spotted worrying a local rower.
"I was walking Margaret, that's my dog - my wife's name is Hilda - along the towpath when I heard them singing," enthused keen naturist Richard Head. "It was unmistakable, even above the screams."
Richard explains that there's nothing to be frightened about. "Killer whales are, in fact, very friendly. They are gentle vegetarians, feeding solely on seals, whales, fish, birds, dogs, rabbits, giraffes and the occasional rower."
Experts believe their eggs were carried to the lake on the dirty, dirty feet of Arctic Gooses.