In a candid interview with The Telegraph today, outgoing Tory MP, Sir Rhodes D'Oblivion, condemned the lack of decent sorts in top positions these days.
"There's just not enough decent chaps in parliament," he told the reporter from the comfort of a well-upholstered leather chair in his club, "You know, clean cut chaps who went to Eton and now how to grow a proper moustache. Not those Leninist ones like that shocking Mandelson chap used to wear. He's one of them you know."
Despite recent attempts by the Conservative Party under David Cameroon to reconnect with their establishment elite roots, the party is still clearly adrift from its natural place in society.
"Cameron? Well, you can't just pretend to be a chap by having your photo taken wearing tails," spluttered D'Oblivion into his vintage port, "That fellow went to Brasenose! Brasenose! Brasenose! That's not a proper college for a chap"
In response to the damning claims, the Tory's turned to three-times-former Upper Class Twit of The Year, Boris Johnson who said, "Crikes, eh? Now, listen here, David is a fine chap, anyone would be proud to line up alongside him in a pleasant club with a decent Cuban. Tally ho!"
The British Establishment was unavailable for comment