Written by Earl Grey
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Wednesday, 24 February 2010

image for Is This The End Of The Milk Bottle?
Aisle 13 was looking overgrown again

The humble milk bottle could be about to join edible underpants in retirement. Sainsbury's recently introduced two-pint bags. Now, in a bid to make further savings, the store are encouraging shoppers to buy a cow.

"Each cow contains 50 pints of milk and they are very robust" said Julie Prat, Head of Packaging. "We believe that once our shoppers fully understand the benefit of buying their milk in a cow the idea will become completely natural to them."

Supermarkets have been competing for the 'green customer' for several years now. Tescos launched their new egg packaging, called the chicken, early last year and Sainsbury's is simply following the trend.

But will shoppers go for it? We asked shoppers at the Nuneaton branch if they would be buying their milk in a cow rather than a bottle. Mrs Doris Spanner said "Ooh no dear. I've only got a small bungalow. I'd have nowhere to keep it. It would never fit in my fridge."

Terry Berry said "I'm all for it. I only buy fair trade and I'm not keen on packaging. I like to recycle. I've got an allotment. All my neighbours think I'm a twat."

Opinion was split, so it remains to be seen if the milk cow will replace the milk bottle. One final word from local milkman Bernie Finch. "Fuck me, I'll never be able to deliver a cart load of those!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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