Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 24 February 2010

image for Somali pirates 'subcontracted by a Bullying Helpline'
Bullying helpline offers useful tips to its outreach agencies

London - (Year of the Bull): The hostage taking row escalated today after Somali pirates claimed to be on a derisory fixed retainer from a bullying helpline.

The renegades, who have been holding Paul and Rachel Chandler captive for nearly four months now, have demanded better pay and conditions in their fledgeling hostage-taking business.

But all they have been offered so far is cognitive therapy training, barter skills and a fortnight at a shrinks' charm school specialising in something called Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

"Fucking useless," their spokesperson said today.

"We want crude tankers, jewellery-laden WAGs and slags, maybe a six bedroom Mayfair townhouse and 50 inch telly.

"Got any tips for the Grand National?"

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