London - (Phone Buggery): UK redtops have been ordered to delete all archives about crack dealer Gary Goldsmith, uncle of desperate royal wannabe Kate Middleton.
Heavy petting of Press Complaints Commission officials by Buckingham Palace enforcers has resulted in a secret backroom deal.
This will sanitise the sordid Middleton family ahead of any possible 2012 royal wedding.
In exchange Parliament's Vultures, Media and Sports committee will mothball pesky News of the World probes and exonerate its executives from the 2007 royal phones buggery scandal.
Three years ago News of the World royal editor Clive Goodman and private investigator Glenn Mulcaire went to jail after admitting the Buckingham Palace hack.
Then last November a tabloid sting exposed Gary Goldsmith as the Non-Aligned Cocaine Barons Association's Mr Big.
Venezuela's Hugo Chavez and Equador's Rafael Correa have long been rumored as the Association's joint CEOs.
Goldsmith, 69, is the brother of monstrous social climber Carole Middleton.
Lord Goldsmith, ex-UK Attorney General and WMD fantasy factory turncoat, is no relation.