Written by shopbitch
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Tuesday, 23 February 2010

image for Dissident Nationalists Call for Full "80's Revival"
Retro bombs set to make comeback too

The political stalemate in Ulster was shaken to within inches of its life today when revivalist nationalists once again showed why all car insurance ads carry the caption "Excludes NI".

In a coded statement, the retro-obsessed terrorists, gave warning of the explosive device and then did the electronic clock noise like they use on "24"

Shortly after the explosion, they released a statement of their demands which included a united Ireland, the rejection of the Good Friday Agreement, the shaving of Gerry Adams beard and a return to using actors to do their voices on TV - James Nesbitt would be good, or Sean Hughes.

Politicians from across the province united to condemn the action. A DUP spokesman said "This is a fundamental snub to the democratic process" while Sinn Fein released a statement saying "Violence will get us nowhere - heck, look at us". A spokesman for the neutral Alliance Party praised the ability of the terrorists to "make a car explode" while "condeming the location of said car when it went bang"

This incident follows some other terrorist activity across Ulster seemingly intent on dragging the region back to the early '80s, including wearing balaclavas in public, marching down streets just to try and start a fight, painting big guns on walls and the playing of later albums by The Undertones. Police look set to respond by drafting old Land Rovers from obsessive collectors on the mainland and replacing full body armour with bin lids.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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