London - (Hawkeye): "Ain't pimping my suntanned grand slam ass for no midget-sized talent like Mrs Ashley Cole," Rafa told reporters today.
The macho Spanish athlete was responding to reports that Cheryl flaccid solo career could get a shot in the er, arm! - in a Shakira-esque promo vid.
The proposed new single - believed to be a re-launch of Carly Simon's You're So Vain - is reckoned by music industry insiders to be a dig at errant husband Ashley's philanderings.
"You can't fake chemistry," Nadal explained, "not even with a $2 million paycheck.
"Besides, Shakira's got me by a short 'n' curles contract claws (sic).
"I have my manhood to consider."
Petite Cheryl flew into London today looking like some lucky LA botox practitioner must have scooped the jackpot.
Tabloid PR guru Max Cliffhanger is on emergency standby as London divorce lawyers tout for business in the forthcoming Cole V Cole matrimonial spat.
Roger Federer is a towering genius.