A scout in Lytham St Annes, near Blackpool, has broken the world swimming record for the one hundred metres freestyle thanks to an obscure ruling in the scouting organisation.
After examining how dangerous water is, the British Scouts (BS) have deemed an activity to be 'swimming' where the water level is above the knees of the shortest member of the scouting troop.
After a particularly heavy rainfall, Arthur 'Clover' Garlic took his mixed ability seventh troop to the athletics track in Lytham in order to highlight the ridiculous nature of this new definition.
"The world record for the 100m freestyle was a shade over forty-seconds," Garlic told the press. "We will shatter that."
A member of the seventh troop is unfortunately wheelchair bound having been amputated at the knee. He is also the shortest member of the troop, and given the definition imposed by the BS, the athletics track, covered to a depth of one inch with water, would involve swimming by any scout who went in it.
Garlic introduced the latest honorary member of the Seventh Troop, a foreign exchange scout called Usain Bolt. In front of a representative of the Book of Records and the worlds media, Bolt 'swam' the hundred metres using an unorthodox free style stroke that appeared more like running than swimming; completing the record attempt in 15.4 seconds. It would have been faster, but Bolt had stopped half way to make a sandwich and earn his "Making a Bread Based Meal Whilst Swimming" badge.