London - (RIP Mess): A shake-up in the Corporation's notorious Category 2 protocol directive has hinted its royal obituary division is on emergency standby.
A handy window of opportunity shortly after Sunday's Bafta awards ceremony has been earmarked to kill off Queen Elizabeth in a major broadcasting coup over commercial channels.
Poor weather conditions in Vancouver have disrupted the Beeb's much vaunted Winter Olympics coverage, throwing up primetime off-piste broadcasting slots in between the Men's Slalom and the Women's Curling finals.
"It would be a lot better for audience figures than, say, endless repeats of Torvil & Dean's iconic Bolero performance," the BBC head of light entertainment commented today.
A Buckingham Palace source said today "WTF?"
Prince Philip is a holographic projection.