Written by Earl Grey
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Topics: Poo

Sunday, 21 February 2010

image for Thurles Man In World Record Shit Attempt
Well done Stig!

Stig O'Treacy of Thurles has attempted to enter the record books for doing the heaviest shit. O'Treacy spent months training and straining in preparation for the attempt. "I knew that I'd get only one shot at it, so I aimed to give it my best."

With medical staff standing by in case anything went wrong, O'Treacy took the stage. Nearby, representing the Book of world Records, was Norris MuckSquirter. It would be his job to adjudicate. The Thurles town hall was packed, but there was an expectant silence as O'Treacy limbered up. After he had finished his squats he assumed position. Referee Smelly O'Toole began the countdown. "Tree, two, one.....go!'

The crowd roared O'Treacy on, encouraging him with cries of "Come on Stig", "You can do it" and "You smelly arsed bastard". Once the job was done the hall fell silent again as the turd was placed on the scales. MuckSquirter checked the readout and then announced "55 kilos. A new world record!" There was much chearing. An emotional O'Treacy said "I'd just like to thank my ma for her home cooking. Without her this would never have been possible."

O'Treacy was then led away as people sang the Record Breakers theme tune "Medication's what ya need".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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