William Hague has launched an attack on Gordon Brown, claiming that the Prime Minister had urinated in his pint.
"I was out on one of my marathon drinking sessions up North with my old working class chums. I think it was pint number thirteen. It tasted bloody funny. I know what a pint should taste like. Then I saw Mandelson and Brown giggling. Mandelson was on shandy. Poof! And Brown was drinking tea. In a fooking pub! It was then that I realised that my pint had been pissed in. I was drinking from a poisoned chalice."
Brown denied any wrongdoing and said that Hague was making it all up. "I did not piss in his pint. I simply threw a salted peanut into his pint. I did this to aide recovery after a heavy session. Everything I do is to aide recovery."
The poisoned pint argument looks set to spill into the election campaign with both parties ready to slug it out in the car park. Meanwhile David 'Dave' Cameron was seen heading for a nearby wine bar.