Hilariously incompetent buffoon Gordon Brown today hit back at suggestions that he is prone to beating his Cabinet members on a regular basis.
Brown spoke out in front of a live TV audience after allegations were published that he punched a junior female cabinet minister to the floor, then kicked her prone figure twice while screaming abuse.
"That just never happened" said Brown, "that was David Miliband."
Mr Brown then demonstated to the TV presenter that he couldn't possibly have hit anyone, due to his glass eye which makes depth perception impossible. Brown attempted to punch the presenter, missed and hit the wall behind him, thus proving, he claimed, that no matter how violent his behaviour no one was ever likely to be punched by him.
Brown commented,"Let me just say, absolutely clearly, so that there is no misunderstanding about this: I have never, never hit anybody in my life. Why would I when I can bring a grown man to his knees by taking away his job, his house and every shred of dignity he has instead."
John Prescott later commented, "Pussy!"