Interpol were tonight hunting a Gang of International assasins led by one Mark Lowton (surely an alias?) after Mossad swore an oath whilst promising Scouts honour that they'd absolutely nothing to do with the apparent murder of a high ranking Hamas official in Dubai and had been on a fact finding tour in Abu Dhabi at the time.
Gordon Brown took the opportunity (as always) to give an interview explaining that Lowton and his gang had been having a pop at people like him for many years and that he wasn't at all surprised that this mob of unruly bandits had graduated from Character Assasination to doing the real thing!
"Lowton 29 from somewhere in Clapham" (the detector van nearly had him but he gave them the slip outside Rambo's Kebab Shop on Bayliss Road in Waterloo)"has been masterminding his electronic insurgency for far too long and we mean to catch him dead or alive", explained a man called Nigel Spatchcock from Cheam speaking both on behalf of Mi5 & on condition of anonymity.
Mi6 couldn't comment as they'd gone bowling tonight but Les on reception said he hadn't heard any whispers if you know what I mean?
A man from the Foreign Office confirmed 'Lowton' as their Chief Suspect now that the Israeli Mafia or Kosher Nostra had been discounted from the inquiry.