LONDON-ISTAN: Uneasy lies the balding head on which will rest the crown [of jewels stolen from India]- someday.
Pictures released on Thursday by a well-known royal rag show the 27-year old prematurely balding-blond Prince William with a thick head of dark hair.
Royal groupies gasped with shock: "Makes him look like a Spanish gigolo", said 80 year old Heather Whitecliff - a staunch supporter of the BNP Party and winner of the garish Barbara Cartland look-alike contest.
The court of loyal royal sycophants released a terse statement indicating that this new look was merely the result of "some sophisticated lighting and modern day technology"
Popular Rasta musician and hair-weave specialist Rufus Dre'ddlockke confessed that he had been asked to "weave some innocuous t'reads of hair, mon, right tru de royal pate - if you know wat I'm tryin' to say".
The royal-in-waiting, William, is known to be a great lover of rap and street poetry much to the chagrin of his other suffocatingly repressed, mealy-mouthed, dessicated family members.
For his part, Harry muttered something cheeky about "payback for that ginger remark".
Despite its fast growing debt, faltering economy, major social ills and corrupt politicians - problems that require some immediate attention - the self-absorbed, utterly out-of-touch with reality Brit media is pushing this story as a major "late breaking news" item.
Lining up for their paltry pension check, so they could suck back [their dinner of] a few pints later, toothless locals Wilfrid and Hester Frothyfoamhead told this reporter: "'E's such a luvly lad - pity about that 'orrible Simpson woman - oos chasin' after 'im"