Written by LisaPisa
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Topics: Dogs, Poo, Local

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

image for That's Not My Shite! - Claims Local Dog

A local dog has hit out against claims that he is responsible for coating the streets in sticky, brown doggie doo-doo.

Barky the dog, 2, has said that he is suffering 'emotional turmoil' and 'stress' after rumours throughout the local village began circulating that he was the culprit behind all this shitting.

"Everywhere I went people were giving me the evil eye", he yelped, "I had to say something - but no one listens to a little terrier dog"

Barky decided to lock himself away and learn braille. Naturally.
After several intensive weeks of study he re-emerged with a mastery of the language of the blind. He checked the local telephone directory and discovered that old Blind Man Wilson lived nearby. Convenient.

He paid him a visit and communicated with him and then described his side of the tale.

The full story became known as 'Barky's Memorandum' and was promptly passed on to our news desk.

"It gives compelling evidence to support my claims", he growled, "I was nowhere near the footpaths on the nights in question, or the park or the bus stop."

"It is scientifically impossible that the shit came from my arse. I am well-known for eating chalk, and chalk causes my shit to be a white-ish colour - and brittle too. The shit on the local streets is wet, brown and sticky. I am an innocent dog!"

The police have cleared Barky and the locals have apologised and gave him a bone as a peace offering.

Attention now focuses on another potential suspect: the golden retriever from number 42, an animal noted for it's fierce temper tantrums and a fondness for licking it's bum.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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