Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 15 February 2010

image for Ashley Cole - Guilty By Underpants

Chelsea and England full-back Ashley Cole was today left in a critical credibility struggle as certain unscrupulous publications ran raunchy text pictures allegedly sent to a glamour model, which depicted a headless man in his underpants posing in front of a mirror in what appears to be a hotel room.

Ashley Cole, who up until now has vehemently denied any wrongdoing on his part, claiming that both incidents are just two huge mistakes, has been industriously attempting to explain himself to wife Cheryl - the nation's sweetheart - her family and friends.

But according to our sources, Ashley Cole has been caught seriously red-handed, and has indeed been sending text photos of himself, along with saucy text messages to topless models, for whom he appears to have a well developed predilection.

We can be absolutely certain of Cole's irrefutable guilt because we managed to track down the underpant salesman who sold Ashley Cole the underpants depicted in the newspaper pictures.

"That's Ashley Cole. No doubt about it," underpant salesman Denzil Delgado told us as he studied the picture. "I can clearly remember the transaction. He paid by credit card and laughed about the action he'd be having over the phone with some of London's most desirable boob flashers. He seemed pretty full of himself, and said at the time: "Eat your heart out Vernon my son!" - the significance of which was lost on me at the time. But it soon became apparent that he was referring to Vernon Kay."

Denzil Delgado works in the Knightsbridge branch of leading underpant chain, 'Underpant Rack.' He is an Arsenal season ticket holder.

We're still waiting for Ashley Cole to get back to us with some pathetic excuse or other.

More when he does.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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