Written by queen mudder

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Topics: Camilla

Sunday, 14 February 2010

image for Kilburn residents' disgust at Camilla visit
Royal benefits scrounger Camilla uses strong arm tactics to top up her monthly spend

London - (Freeloaders): Residents of North London's top crime enclave are up in arms at the Duchess of Cornwall's visit this Wednesday amid fears of territory poaching by the royal benefits scrounger.

Billed as an official visit to the police's Sapphire Command Kilburn HQ locals fear Camilla's turning up to grab a cut of protection racket money earmarked for chums of jailed cop Ali Dizaei.

Last time a similar royal visit took place Camilla arrived wearing a poncy little black handbag and left clutching a large weekend bag stuffed to the brim with used fifty quid notes.

But with Dizaei now firmly behind bars for the duration Camilla's expectations of a decent mid-winter handout are wearing very thin.

Several up-and-coming Dizaei replacements are looking promising but the levels of dosh expected by the Duchess are nowhere near their recruits' current capabilities.

"You can expect a return to IRA bombings if she's thwarted this Wednesday," reliable sources explained.

Camilla's debts to internet bookings Aintgottaprayer.con now exceed $5 million.

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