As Ashley Cole lies in his hospital bed sleeping soundly, little could he dream that his wife Cheryl is waiting patiently beside him with a hammer hidden in her LuLu Guinness handbag ready to break his other ankle!
"I'll teach him", Hissed the Nonplussed Northern Beauty to our reporter who'd got an exclusive interview in the coffee shop at Paddington General Hospital in Praed street.
Cheryl was spurred into action after finding out that her husband had accidentally texted loads of naked photos of himself to a glamour model who in turn had accidentally forwarded them to Max Clifford who in turn had texted them both to the News of The World and Cheryl Cole again by complete accident!
As Cheryl left the hospital our reporter was able to gain a quick comment as she hopped into a waiting car after chucking a blood stained hammer into a bin outside the hospital entrance!
Cheryl went onto say through sobs of anguish;"I've been so upset that I was forced to turn to my Best friend" 'Simon' "who's kindly advised me to change my name to Cheryl Cowell which is what I'd like to be known as from now on".