Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 12 February 2010

image for Splayed Park Lane roadkill entrails: the Queen is almost dead!
Dead split beaver's entrails show a skull and crossbones birthmark on its heart

London - (Portents): The still throbbing remains of a Hyde Park beaver, split down the middle by a passing No14 bus, have sent shockwaves through Buckingham Palace.

Hellfire Club haruspicy experts - proficient in the art of divining the future by observing the entrails of dead animals - say a crown and sceptre mark on the beaver's liver may be highly significant.

But what has really scared them witless is the dead animal's heart where a skull and crossbones birthmark also displayed the letters ER II.

Royal Parks Agency wardens had earlier spotted the animal splashing about with gay abandon in its natural habitat, the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain.

The beast later scampered off in the direction of the Farcebook Park Lane squat rave which police closed down after a near riot.

And despite the moonlight glinting on its glossy, beaverish fur the poor animal got caught under the No 14's front axle as it tried to cross the road near Tyburn Gate.

Internet spread betting agency Aintgottaprayer.con immediately revised its odds on Old Fatty Mountbatten popping her clogs to 11/10fav for this Sunday, Valentine's Day.

Prince Charles is Robert Maxwell's moron son Arthur Chapman.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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