Written by LisaPisa
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Topics: Music

Saturday, 13 February 2010

image for Local Musician Indecently Touches Am
Dirty Bastard

Local pianist, Dick Turpin, 23, has been charged with playing a musical note whilst sitting at his piano - that was under the octave of consent.

The note in question was Am.

As we all know, the words 'pianist' and 'Am' should never, ever appear in the same sentence together.

Turpin claimed he was reaching for a 'G' when his hand slipped and his little pinky lightly 'brushed against' the innocent note.

He says it was a 'mistake' - even though he continued to 'touch' her several times whilst simultaneously stroking B#.

"The dirty bastard", said the local police sergeant.

Turpin was due to give a grand performance of 'Chopsticks' at the local hospital for sick puppies, but that show has been postponed indefinitely due to public outcry.

"The filthy bastard", said the local vet.

Turpin has three previous convictions for 'unlawful touching' of musical notes: Bm; Gm; and last year during a show in Torquay, he hit Dm7.

"The greasy bastard", said a local in Torquay.

Turpin's court case will be heard by a panel of musical experts, who will each rate him out of five.

The verdict will appear in record stores nationwide.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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