Detectives are investigating an incident in which Prince Andrew allegedly struck gold while driving into Buckingham Palace yesterday.
The Grand Old Duke of Yorkie Bar reportedly made the strike as a policeman held him up at the Palace gates to grovel to two Japanese tourists there, assuring them that he wouldn't be seeking an apology or compensation from Japan for their people mass-murdering and torturing half of his family in Burma in World War Two.
The officer is said to have hurt his arm trying to give them a fascist salute, but mistimed it and fell over and under the Prince's 24X24 car which skidded into a wall and knocked a brick out of it. And then amazingly thousands of gold coins secretly hidden in the wall poured out of it and straight into the Prince's pocket, coins possibly worth millions of pounds and legally belonging to UK taxpayers.
A Royal apologist said: 'The Duke of Yorkie Bar is currently on a 10-month luxury holiday in the Maldives, doing bugger all and costing us all loads of money - I mean he is there as, er, ah yes, in his role as whatever the hell the press invent to make it seem like he does anything worthwhile. Apart from driving recklessly year after year and never getting arrested for it, of course.'
Prince Andrew is known for leading a completely pointless life of eating, drinking, playing golf, marrying redheaded jolly hockey sticks girls, and generally is the living patron saint of the thousands of Hooray Henries that inflict their society on the society of London and the Home Counties.
His father Prince Philipos said: 'What the bloody hell do ya think you're talking about! My son a lazy parasite whose only contribution to Britain in his life is waving his hand from the balcony of this little cottage in London? Now get orf my land before I set the corgis onto you, you Communist blighter!'
But left wing politicians - obviously no longer Labour Party ones - not only demanded Prince Andrew to be prosecuted for stealing the gold but also demanded that all the other parasites on the Royal List hand back all the money, houses, cars and servants that they have milked the British people for for centuries.
'Quite right!', an inside Buckingham Palace source said, who we'll just call Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second to preserve her anonymity, 'we are the head of state and the only other Royals that mean anything to the nation are our daughter Anne and our grandchildren Wosshisname and Ginger. The List is ridiculous and should be abolished, we don't even know who most of them are, bunch of oiks! Charles important? Hahahahaha!'
And she went orf - I mean off to Ascot for a day's ruling the United Kingdom, but letting the slimy oiks in the Labour Party think that they do. And here are the odds for the first race there, The Princess Margaret At Least She Was A Larf And Liked A Spliff Or Two Stakes:
Anne To Be Queen When Liz Retires 4/7
Royal List To Remain For No Reason evens
United Kingdom To Dissolve Soon 2/1
England To Still Be Important Then 5/1
Gordon Brown To Be PM in 2011 22/1
Conservatives To Ever Truly Govern Again 33/1
Liberals To Ever Say Or Do Anything 50/1
Americans To Ever Win A War 100/1
Americans To Ever Stop Taking Themselves Ridiculously Seriously 200/1
Prince Harry Really Charles's Son 100/1
Charles Ever To Be King 250/1
All This Only 'Allegedly' 1000/1