Dubai - (Portents): An unexpected twist on the 'Mirror, Mirror, off-the-wall' soothsaying charm has seen John Terry's wife Toni gobsmacked yet again.
The Chelsea captain's wife has been consulting psychics ahead of a possible Valentines Day reunion with her errant husband.
As reported by The Spoof's queen mudder static in the ether was blamed earlier for a garbled ouija board message that spelled 'Porn Ass Relevance' as the source of Mrs T's matrimonial woes.
Frantic rearrangement of the letters soon gave way to - yes, you have guessed it! - Vanessa Perroncel.
Yesterday as atmospheric conditions appeared somewhat improved in the cosmos yet more cryptic answers emerged.
Asked by Toni to give a definitive Yes or No answer about her former best friend Vanessa's innocence or guilt in the alleged affair the ouija board merely spelled out "Veneral Sons Crap" - just another rearrangement of Ms P's name.
And then a real shocker as the planchette defined the identity of the premiership's biggest fibbing two-faced WAG as one "Col. Lechery".
"Of course that's her married name!" Dubai Beach soothsayer Gypsy Rose Lee-Ahmadinejad said today.
"Cheryl no longer uses her maiden name 'Tweedy', she uses Cole."