Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 9 February 2010

image for Toni Terry's shockhorror at anagram ouija board's "Venereal sons crap" and "Col. Lechery"
Vanessa Perroncel and Cheryl Cole holidayed together last summer

Dubai - (Portents): An unexpected twist on the 'Mirror, Mirror, off-the-wall' soothsaying charm has seen John Terry's wife Toni gobsmacked yet again.

The Chelsea captain's wife has been consulting psychics ahead of a possible Valentines Day reunion with her errant husband.

As reported by The Spoof's queen mudder static in the ether was blamed earlier for a garbled ouija board message that spelled 'Porn Ass Relevance' as the source of Mrs T's matrimonial woes.

Frantic rearrangement of the letters soon gave way to - yes, you have guessed it! - Vanessa Perroncel.

Yesterday as atmospheric conditions appeared somewhat improved in the cosmos yet more cryptic answers emerged.

Asked by Toni to give a definitive Yes or No answer about her former best friend Vanessa's innocence or guilt in the alleged affair the ouija board merely spelled out "Veneral Sons Crap" - just another rearrangement of Ms P's name.

And then a real shocker as the planchette defined the identity of the premiership's biggest fibbing two-faced WAG as one "Col. Lechery".

"Of course that's her married name!" Dubai Beach soothsayer Gypsy Rose Lee-Ahmadinejad said today.

"Cheryl no longer uses her maiden name 'Tweedy', she uses Cole."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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