Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 8 February 2010

image for Chelsea captain's missus sends him £125 divorce advice voucher for Valentine's
The advice usually given is along thge lines of 'Just Pay Up You Badass Tosser'

Khor Fakkhan, Dubai - (Nuptial Mess): The solicitors' voucher was a runaway success at its December launch last year when hundreds were given and/or received by warring marrieds in need of some friendly legal advice.

This week, as she tans her trim and perky holiday figure on Dubai's sunkissed beaches, Toni Terry has been tipped the wink to send one to husband John for Valentine's Day on Sunday.

The £125 gift token gets you half an hour's bottom-of-the-line warts 'n' all matrimonial advice from hotshot divorce lawyers Pratt & Co.

"Basically, they look you sternly in the face and say 'Just Pay Up You Badass Tosser' before reciting from a menu of their hourly rates," jaded London almost-divorcee John Twaddlebott commented today.

"Still, it's saved me a small fortune knowing I'm going to be taken to the cleaners regardless."

Back at Stamford Bridge John Terry is still negotiating his way for some compassionate leave this Valentine's weekend.

Vanessa Perroncel is 31.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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