Written by LisaPisa
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Topics: Local, Gnome

Monday, 15 February 2010

image for Local Woman Writes Erotic-Crime Gnome Novel
This is what a successful author looks like

Local woman Gloria Bumsrush, 48, has become something of a local celebrity after racing to the top of the book charts with her novel 'Gnome Offender'.

Not surprisingly, the inspiration for the book came from looking out her window at the little bearded men by her garden pond.

"I was having problems with my septic tank - shite leaking out all over the place. So I called the local council and they sent around some workmen who happened to be bearded midgets on a training scheme", she said.

"I invited them in for a cup of tea and they told me lots of tales from their past experiences that I then formed into an erotic-crime novel I was writing".

'Gnome Offender' follows the adventures of amateur crime-fighting gnome, Hank Steroid - a muscular figure with a dark and shady past involving Chinese Triads, motorcycle gangs and an international flower importing crime syndicate.

One night while on a major stakeout in a garden, Hank Steroid is a witness to crime most foul - the murder of the President of Vanuatu by an armless, plaster of Paris Venus DeMilo garden statuette.
Hank Steroid falls in love with the statuette but is torn between his love for her and his duty to protect the citizens of Hogwarts Castle.

"It's 90% based on truth", adds Gloria.

The book has been snapped up by the same lot that bought The DaVinci Code and other meandering shite.

Gloria has even started work on her follow up:

"I've had another septic tank leak and the same council lads are back around again. I'll pick their brains and maybe get some idea's for further Hank Steroid adventures", she says.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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