Written by Lightning Conductor
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Sunday, 7 February 2010

image for Britain tipped back into recession by John Terry: Claims Darling!
John Terry sitting in the family section of the West Stand at Stamford Bridge

Chancellor of The Exchequer, Alistair Darling tonight gave a hurried news conference to leading Financial Journalists on the doorstep of No.11 Downing Street.

Darling today received the latest GDP figures and wanted to explain that the sheer amount of money being used by John Terry to pay off women that he'd slept with was now tipping the UK economy back into the mire!

"It's not our fault," explained The Bespectacled Calculator as he excitedly tried to palm off the state of the nation's finances onto the Ex England Captain.

"We've been getting on with the job, er...doing the right thing....which is er....correct and transparent whilst our leader has been shafting everyone announced the ecstatic Scottish bean counter!"

"If he'd kept it in his trousers then we wouldn't have needed the Bloody Quantative Easing either," gushed the Chancellor.

Mr.Darling broke off the unusual meeting as his Indian had arrived at the main gates and he was in a rush to get it before the football ended on TV.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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