Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 4 February 2010

image for Vanessa Perroncel - Come In Number Five
The Entire UK Could Become One Massive Red Light Area By 2020, Experts Warn.

It appears that Vanessa Perroncel, the French lingerie model and official bedwarmer to the Chelsea football fraternity has been quite a naughty little minx who has been flashing her je ne sais pas at no less than five Chelsea footballers.

Which is old news.

The new news comes into it as news editors from all branches of the media sent out the creme de la creme of the nation's journalistic muckrakers to get the scoop on who the fifth individual may be.

Already mentioned in despatches, are John Terry, Wayne Bridge, Eidur Gudjohnsen and Adrian Mutu, with a number of big names vociferously denying that they are the mysterious 'Fifth Man.'

It would appear that the hunt for the missing fifth link is well and truly on - indeed, one leading scandalmonger told us that this whole sorry saga could rumble on and on, like the Tiger Woods situation over in the States, and he told us not to be surprised if the list of individuals tutored in the ancient art of cock-softening by Ms Perroncel were to rise in a sharp spike.

"This JT thing could just be the tip of the iceberg," a seasoned observer told us. "See, we have it on good authority that Ms Perroncel has always made it known that her ambition is to be a football WAG, and there are a lot of football teams in London. It could be that we've barely scratched the surface yet."

In a related soccer-bonkers exclusive, Avram Grant, manager of cash strapped Portsmouth denied frequenting an Asian brothel in Southampton. He reportedly told reporters:

"Why on earth would a handsome, dashing, chick magnet stud like moi ever wish to avail themselves of extras from Asian masseuses? It makes no sense. And by the way, Portsmouth Football Club continue to operate on a sound financial footing. The owners bought the lads a bacon roll this morning as a gesture of goodwill. Although we're not quite sure exactly who it was that stumped up the cash."

More as we get it.

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