A clinic in Cambridge, England has claimed that signs of life and cognitive recognition does exist in people who have been declared 'Brain Dead' for years, even though they functioned in Society.
A recent published study has gained acceptance after recent allegations amongst the futbol fraternity that incessant shagging, including incest between team mates wives and girlfriends, could only have been done by people who were 'brain dead' and existing in a vegetative state.
A spokesman for the Clinic, Sir Whitney Chamberlain, said the clinic had been working for years experimenting on people thought to be 'brain dead' including politicians, barristers, cricket players, and most recently members of the Wives, Girlfriends, Mistresses & Mid Fielders (WGMM) sexual swinging club.
Sir Whitney said the experiments were encouraging. "When we hooked up the electrodes to the brains of several women known to enjoy shagging a few of the boys after a tough match, we did find a slight sign of life there, especially when we subliminally suggested they envision themselves on a shopping spree in Harrods, or caressing their Black American Express Card."
In contrast, when they hooked up a soccer star known for his extra marital exploits off the pitch, brain waves remained flat when he was told to imagine
having sex in a Pub's handicapped rest room with a comely wench on crutches, but he 'did suddenly have an erection.'
Sir Whitney added that clinic staffers were now working on a program to test the reaction of male patients' smaller heads to see if they even had a 'conscience."
Results were mixed when Politicians were tested according to Chamberlain.
"It was really amazing that some of these people held office for so long and nobody noticed that there was absolutely nothing going on 'up there', he said, referring to flat line results recorded during extensive tests.
"We did get some positive brain activity measurements when we mentioned expense accounts, sexual assignations amongst staffers, climate change, political correctness and junkets to Dubai."
"Results related to governing were disappointing," Sir Whitney continued," there was no sign of any reaction regarding suggestions of character, honesty,loyalty or patriotism...quite disheartening, actually!"
In submitting his conclusions, Sir Whitney confirmed there was absolutely no correlation between the outrageous salaries or amount of power the subjects commanded and their brain power. "Quite the reverse, actually,' he said quite drolly, "the less activity in the brain, the more money they seemed to make, and the more successful they appeared to be in real life."
As if to confirm his forecast for the future, Sir Whitney referred everyone to England's hot new realty show, "I'm Hotter Than My Daughter," we tried testing some of these contestants," he said, "there was nobody home!"