Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 2 February 2010

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The phonetic alphabet, popularised by the military, the police and by call centres has remained unchanged for several decades.

Up until now it has remained: Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo, Foxtrot, Golf, Hotel, Indigo, Juliet, Kilo, Lima, Mike, November, Oscar, Papa, Quebec, Romeo, Sierra, Tango, Uncle, Victor, Whisky, X-Ray, Yankee, Zulu.

However, Alan Sugar spotted an opportunity, when he realised that most ordinary individuals replace Sierra with Sugar, and proposed, with a monetary incentive, that the phonetic alphabet be changed. Always with one eye for the money, Prime Minister Gordon Brown has agreed with his Industry Tsar, and the letters have been auctioned off to the highest bidders.

Some of the letters have remained the same, or at least very similar, especially with soft drink manufacturer Tango paying several million pounds Stirling for the right to keep T the same. The TV Station, Bravo has grabbed B, whilst the battle for the letter I hotted up when both IBM and the iPhone both wanted it, in the end, Apple conceded and took the letter A instead. Other letters have raised less money, with X only bringing in ten pounds from Xerox.

The new phonetic alphabet that will be taught to all institutions is now as follows: Apple, Bravo, Cadbury, Dell, eBay, FoxNews, Gap, Holiday Inn, IBM, JD Sports, Kraft, LloydsTSB, Marks and Spencer, Nestle, O2, Play.com, Qantas, RAC, Sugar, Tango, UPS, Volkswagen, Weatherspoons, Xerox, Yahoo, Zurich Insurance.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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