Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: work, sickness, Blues

Monday, 1 February 2010

image for Britain Rejoices - It's 'Pull A Sickie' Day
He's As Pissed As A Fart Because He Threw a Sickie

It's been attributed to post Christmas blues, bad weather, the very thought of working for months until the summer hols, the recession and lack of sunlight, but whatever the reason, what is not in dispute is that today, the 1st of February is the most popular day of the year to throw a sickie.

Monday mornings are rarely the most inspirational of times, as exhibited by tens of thousands of perfectly healthy Brits calling in to work sick and then going back to bed for a couple of extra hours kip.

Employers dread this day as phones never stop ringing as employees call in sick en masse, claiming to be suffering from ailments such as the dreaded '24 Hour Bug' 'Inflamed Haemorrhoids' 'Migraine's' 'Diarrhoea' (Usually spelt incorrectly on Self Certification forms, except by seasoned skivers who have gone to the trouble of spell-checking it for added realism) 'Tummy Bugs' 'Head Colds' (aka hangovers) and 'The Flu.'

"It's a nightmare day for us," Charles Cholmondely-Stalker of The Confederation Of British Industry told us. "It's patently obvious that these individuals are swinging the lead and sitting at home watching Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women on daytime TV. But we just can't prove it."

One workshy individual, who declined to be named, told us:

"No I didn't go in to work this morning. Because I couldn't be fucking arsed. All right? You happy now?"

"Ah fuck em," another shirker told us. "Screw work. I'm off down the pub."

More from Broken Britain as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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