Written by fusebox
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Topics: Police, dildo

Sunday, 31 January 2010

image for Police ban truncheon over "dildo" complaints.
You can tell by the expression on his face where he's keeping his truncheon.

The Son Newspaper learned today that police forces around the UK are to ban the old truncheon after receiving complaints they have been used as "dildo's".

According to a secret memo the Chief Constable of Murkeyside Constabulary has banned the use of all old style police truncheons after complaints from a WPC that she had become affected from a truncheon being used as a dildo recently.

Chief Constable Dick Fancy from Murkeyside police denied that it was a widespread problem however he did confirm that DNA samples had been taken and one in ten truncheons had vaginal traces on them. In actual fact one in twenty samples appeared to have have a trace of anal deposits.

"This does not come at a good time for the police force" stated Chief Constable Dick Fancy. "We have come in for a lot of criticism lately due to government targets. I am ordering a complete and full investigation. "

The banning of police truncheons wont go down well with all police officers. One WPC who did not want to be named stated recently "well I'm really miffed over this coming to light. The average male penis in the UK is just under 7 inches, where as the truncheon is on average 12 to 18 inches long. Ample length for most women and it doesn't go limp in cold weather. Its slightly coiled on one end there is nothing else around apart from a baton. It seems to be a waste of time all the training I have done if I had realised this was going to happen I would have gone to work for Ann Summerfield."

Meanwhile there are rumours that a new warbling police radio has been used as a vibrator recently.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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