A new opinion poll has bad news for lame duck Labour Leader Gordon Brown, writes Political Editor Jeff Bastard.
Ailing ugly introvert Brown could only stumble to 12th and last place in the latest poll published yesterday by Life In England Surveys. LIES spokesperson Fanny Scratcher revealed all at the latest anti-Labour Press Conference yesterday.
A representative sample of people who said they hated Gordon Brown were asked who would make the best Prime Minister of the UK. They were asked to place 12 famous people in order of suitability, and to comment about each.
45% said they didn't care and 40% said they didn't understand the task. 'But it's the choices of the remaining 15% that contain a real shot across the bows for Gordon Brown', said Fanny Scratcher yesterday.
Most popular choice for PM was Big Brother bronze medalist and former testicle-grabber Vinnie Jones, who was said to have 'common sense' and be a 'real person and good craic in the pub'. Next came celebrity bigot Jeremy Clarkson, because 'he knows about cars and would put petrol down'. Dr Who actor David Tennant was third - 'a sexy guy and a real gent whose experience is out of this world' said one participant.
Incoherent scruffy wierdo Gordon Brown could only come last in the LIES poll. Even Adolf Hitler ('efficient at waste disposal', 'could sort out immigration fast') and Peter Sutcliffe the Yorkshire Ripper ('quite handsome with a nice beard', 'masterful with women') ranked above the hapless incumbent PM, who was described as 'boring and old', 'a miserable Scotch git' and 'out of touch - just intristed in money and carnt write propur letters to peepel he's killed in Afgan'.
All this can of course only benefit sophisticated young Tory Leader David Cameron, who is rich, charismatic and well-bred, and the ideal man to lead our great nation out of the Labour-created Slough of Despond and back to the heights it deserves to occupy.