A spokesman for Real Madrid and England superstar David Beckham, has denied insinuations that the player is thick. "David is doing a number of after-hours courses at a Spanish college and we are hoping that if he passes them, that we will be able to upgrade him to thick".
A spokesman for Sven Goran Eriksson when asked for comment on the "Beckham Affair" said : "Sven denies ever having had sex with this woman but should it transpire that there is some sort of proof, which is denied, then the sex was oral at best probably holding hands at worst".
The English F.A came out strongly in favour of Beckham and said that they were right behind him. The wife of the chairman of the F.A expressed ....in a bottle. Apparently they're going out this evening and the sitter will need milk for the little one. There was nothing further from them, prompting Beckham to confirm : "..as always they're good for F.A".
Sepp Blatter chief ceo of FIFA released the following statement : "Sepp Blatter ceo and head of FIFA has not been on television or in the newspapers today, so he Sepp Blatter ceo of FIFA says that Beckham is in hot water unless he can convince Sepp Blatter ceo of FIFA that this is some sort of mistake".
Unfortunately the ceo of FIFA was struck down with a sceptic bladder and is unavailable for calls from Beckham. The explanation is going to have to wait awhile - nothing trivial we hope.
Our reporter was able to catch up with David Beckham, his wife, 34 of her friends (9 of which have confirmation that they are photogenic) and his tutor Pepe Ingratius.
Pepe told our reporter that David was doing a course in elementary mathematics. He said : "This is a very difficult course. Many students are absolutely hopeless and David is no exception".
David then kindly told us why he had committed the foul during the Wales game. "Tee hee you see I was injured and I knew I'd miss the next game, so I figured that if I got booked I'd be suspended while I'm injured.."
What did Sven say? "He told me I'd be stripped while England captain and then suspended by my ankles, from a bridge in Madrid, for the entire duration of that game."