London - (Enron Fallout Mess): Fame, riches and the queenship of Israel were among Mossad temptations** offered to Tony Blair the Chilcot Inquiry heard today.
A fabulous bounty from the Bernard Madoff charitable foundation included a stunning WMD intelligence dossier advance 'downpayment'.
The deal was secured by the ex-Prime Monster's personal blind truss portfolio bagman/West Bank repo bailiff Lord Levy on Occupied Territories mortgage arrears.
This wiped out $50 billion of cold war debts incurred by the First Vatican Bank of Tel Aviv for which 'God's Banker' Roberto Calvi handily took a hit in 1982.
Happily, Old Testament code decryptions removed much Mossad angst about the 2001 catastrophic Enron Corporation's $101 billion bankruptcy, the Inquiry heard.
However furious Wiccan counter-claims that the fallen energy giant's moniker 'concealed a terrible World War II conspiracy' in the form of the 'ER Coronation Porn' anagram "had to be nipped in the bud" Blair told Sir John Chilcot.
Pre-Iraq invasion negotiations also saw crucial front-end fees such as Enron CEO Ken Lay's indictment on 11 counts of securities fraud and related charges.
And Sordid Arabia ambassador to the USA Prince Bandar's $12 billion backhander from UK arms proliferator BAe Weapons Systems nailed down the security of other Bush Administration client dictators related to the Bin Laden family.
Inquiry panel members marvelled at Blair's bravura performance, the fruit of many months' coaching by Simon Cowell's X-Fucter dreamteam.
Next Week the hearing will see former Blair family masseuse Carole Caplin testify about the homeopathetic miracle cure that reversed the PM's 1991 vasectomy.
Cherie Blair is 69.
** Plus a collection Vanessa Hudgens' soiled panties...