London - (Illuminati Mess): It's billed as astrology's Clash of the Titans as the stars align for Friday's apocalyptic Mars-opposition-Sun setting at the Chilcot Inquiry.
With the fiery Roman god of war at 10 degrees Leo - celestial sign of majesty and some very big, toxic pussies - all will be vying for the 2010 King of the Jungle title.
The Poodle Brothers' UK tool will take the stand exactly 34 years to the day since fourteen IRA-flag of convenience bombs shattered much of London's West End.
And despite immense confidence among Hellfire Club grandees the omens for the much anticipated bravura performance all point to Chapter 666, Verse 9/11 of whitewashed revelations.
Commenting on this latest emanation of The Beast CIA Head of Cryptozoology Louis Pancetta said today the 19.42GMT zodiac clash had freaked out his numerology division geeks.
"Uh, 29 January 1942 was the day when the Nazis' Desert Fux (sic) Field Marshall Rommel entered Beghazi, Libya.
"That location is on a notorious faultline of Illuminati-hexed ley lines, the exact desert spot where Colonel Gaddafi shaggged Blair in 2005."
Gadaffi has been a megabux contributor to the Blair Foundation's coffers that bankrolled sordid Scottish Nationalists' release of Lockerbie bomber Abdelbasset Ali Al Meghrahi last year.
The UK head of the Serious & Disorganised Crime Agency said today the money was then laundered via Halifax Bank of Snotland's offshore subsidiary in the Cayman Islands before popping up smelling of roses in Blair's Northern Crock Bank account in the Isle of Dogs.
Cherie Blair's anal warts are a constant source of itching.