Breaking news confirms that Britain's top chippy is owned and run by Turkish fast food mogul Ali Bullo, raising questions over the future of the nation's favourite fast food fix, and whether the much loved dish will retain its unique Britishness or fall in with kebabs, curries, fried chicken, pizzas and burgers.
The chippy in question - The House Of Cod - located in Rosegrove Lane, Burnley, Lancs., and known for years as 'Bob Bird's' beat off stiff competition from hundreds of UK chippies to land the much vaunted title of Britain's Number One.
Further investigation by Spoof reporters found that the chippy was owned by Turkish entrepreneur, Ali Bullo - no stranger to regular Spoof readers. We tracked down our old friend Ali Bullo and asked him how a Turk came to be running a veritable British institution.
"Was business opportunity,"he told us. "Simples really innit. I knew nothing of fish and chips, pies, steak puddings, mushy peas and gravy, but I see good business. I know kebab and pizza, but no fish and chips. I buy chippy and get bloke from Birkenhead to show me ropes. Secret lies in getting best ingredients - fresh fish, right potatoes, and in timing. Must to be having expert timing like kung-fu fighter. Now is big success. Sell fish and chips to drunks, lazy peoples and Catholics on Fridays."
Our reporter tasted Ali Bullo's fish and chips and confirmed that the combination was indeed a most pleasant assault on the taste buds.
Ali Bullo confided in us that he was contemplating opening a fajita takeaway, using only ostrich and camel meat, and a van in Hackney specialising in goat and bushmeat.
With salad optional.
More fast food based flippancy as we get it.