Written by Earl Grey
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Topics: Iraq

Friday, 22 January 2010

image for Jack Straw: I Could Have Stopped Iraq Invasion....But I Had To Take My Mum To The Shops
Mrs Straw leaving the inquiry after her son had blamed her for his failure to speak out.

Government Minister and professional apologist Jack Straw has admitted that he could have stopped the invasion of Iraq. "I could have stopped Tony Blair if I had opposed him at the vital cabinet meeting. However, I had to take my mum shopping. She had to buy potatoes and carrots. All heavy stuff. We went to the chemists also. So unfortunately the Iraq invasion happened. But it was not my fault. I just want to make that perfectly clear. I was busy looking after my mum at the time."

Straw was asked about collective responsibility. "Don't be so stupid. You can't try blaming my mum for the invasion of Iraq. Although she did once say to me "Jack, why don't you carpet bomb the bastards?"

Straw was talking to the inquiry into the Iraq war. So far one politician after another has come forward to say that they were not to blame. David Blunkett recently told the inquiry he was on the way to the cabinet meeting to oppose Tony Blair but his guide dog got lost and he ended up in the flat of some woman called Angela and "one thing led to another and I gave the dog a bone".

John Prescott spoke of his anguish when Blair showed him the buscuit selection and told him he could only have some if he voted the right way. "Tony had me by the balls. There were fucking custard creams!"

Soon Gordon Brown is to speak to the inquiry. He is expected to say that he wanted to oppose the invasion but that Blair was threatening to stay in power forever and that for the good of the nation he could not allow that to happen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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