London - (X-Fucter): Simon Cowell has joined the Haiti fundraiser gravytrain with an ambitious plan to raise millions via a Band Aid-style record.
The launch of a big names charity song will no doubt see the TV mogul cream off millions in consultancy and admin fees - at least that's what I'm betting.
Today's UK tabloid and broadshit PR campaign kicked off with a series of ads begging for donations to his burgeoning empire.
Donations can be made by post just by sending a check to Helping Simon Cowell Appeal, c/o No 666 Gravytrain Avenue, Richmond.
SMS donations are available by texting Help Simon Get That Knighthood 666! Texts cost five quid plus standard extortionate network charges (may vary).
Phone donations are available by simply dialling 0800 666-666-666 quoting Cowell's Haiti Appeal and donating 'any amount big or small' with a credit or debit card. Minimum donation £50.
Direct bank transfers can be made electronically to Simon's Northern Crock Bank offshore accounts in the Cayman Islands, sorting code 66-66-66, account number 666-666-666.
Nominations for the Cowell Fund's Best Supporting Actor see UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown installed as the 5/4 favorite.