Written by Rebut
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Topics: Labour, Britain

Wednesday, 6 October 2004

New Labour are to introduce a National Rifle Association into Britain. Home Secretary David Blunkett explained. "We believe that the path that we have taken lends itself to an NRA. Let us take a look at the overall picture".

First off in our schools we are doing away with exams because of the stress it causes. Secondly we are doing away with competitive sports because of the stress it causes. Thirdly we are doing away with corporal punishment because of the stress it causes. So no learning, no competitive edge and no discipline. Britain's next problem circa 2010 will be which countries will trade with ill-mannered morons?

At University and Technikon level the desire to make everyone a graduate has resulted in wonderful new courses eg Docotrate in Guardian Reader Placement. Doctorate in Guardian Reader Job Titles eg Stress Consultant for Overworked Union Sweeper. This means that circa 2010 the work force will comprise 4% productive workers with 96% baggage.

The New Labour military policy is strict on cost cutting. Broad based slashing of military budgets with it's resultant loss of many strategic assets is understandable at this time. As the world explodes the best way to deal with the threat, is to ensure that you have less and less capability to deal with it. The fact that there is no national service means that any last gasp hope of training (if you can't discipline) the morons is gone.

Then we turn to the last gasp saloon in order to try and bring sanction to football hooligans, vandals, drug addicts, armed robbers and all the other flotsam and jetsam that a system such as this spawns ; The courts of law.

The courts are huge on rehabilitation and anonymous on punishment. Murderers are celebrities, homeowners who dare to defend their property like Mr Farmer treated like thugs and repeat offenders like Peter the PM's Mate sent to Brussels. Lord Woolf a comfort to everyone who ever contemplated a life of crime.

The Home Secretary paused to reflect on his overview. Uneducated or educated with skills which cannot be used, in a workforce that is vastly overrun with passengers, undisciplined, violent without any mechanism to stop and punish, no army, shrinking police force........

All that's missing from the mix is a press supported by the politicians who call upon the countries enemies to kill their own soldiers. Who always support the away team's point of view. Who make celebrities of what other countries style criminals. Throw that onto the fire of total loss of control and we have a quaint old fashioned Britain whose system is now a full blown anarchy as opposed to a socialist democracy.

How can New Labour assist the man in the street deal with anarchy? Simple, form an NRA and let the homeowner bridge the gap that education, military and courts can't. Let the man with a rifle stop the genius who has been told his whole life to do whatever he wants. Let the bullet of a rifle stop the man who is so loaded down with his rights that there is no other way to stop him.

In addition should a country of equal capability, like Swaziland, invade the NRA can stand in for the army that was disbanded.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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