Written by LisaPisa
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Topics: Twins

Thursday, 21 January 2010

image for Conjoined Twins Perform Magical Seperation Operation
The Twins, seen here mid-operation

Conjoined twins, Elsie and Betsy Nelson, 42, have become the first conjoined twins to successfully separate themselves without any medical assistance and using only the props from a magician's cupboard.

The duo from Cornwall got sick and tired of being stuck together and never having any privacy. Elsie had to endure Betsy's wedding night antics covered with a sheet and wearing earplugs, whilst Elsie's posing nude for New Scientistmagazine proved embarrassing for her prudish, God-fearing sister.

So the two said enough is enough and set off for their local Magic Circle club to stock up on some sharpened blades and other bits and bobs.

They borrowed several popular magical trick props such as the one where a woman is sawed in half and the other one where the glamorous assistant is put in a box and then has knives stuck into it.

Neither had any formal medical training - although Elsie once watched a whole season of Doogie Howser M.D. and a David Copperfield Christmas Special in the early '80's.

They were joined at the arse - which was turned out to be fortuitous becasue it was so fat and flabby and maneuverable.

After consuming a whole bunch of illegal drugs and a bucket of Jack Daniels, Betsy made the first incision just above the butt crack.

"I used the natural topography of our fat arse to guide me", she related yesterday.

Both twins needed to keep their wits about them: Betsy would handle all the left-sided stuff, whilst Elsie took care of her side. Both dressed appropriately in hairnets, despite Betsy's initial desire to go all 'razzle-dazzle' in a magician's top hat and cloak.

They even had three local lads (pictured)drop by to give their support and encouragement. One of them even cheered them on as they severed tissue and vital shared organs.

They eventually completed the task just before Emerdale started and sat down in separate chairs for the first time ever to watch the adventures of the uglies at the Woolpack.


Both girls have written to former Mrs. McCartney, Heather Mills to ask if she'll lend them a spare leg or two because they never really thought the whole thing out and are pretty unstable and wobbly now that they only have a single leg between them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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